it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
