dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize