It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
