i think my tv is drunk
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
