we have pet lesbian snakes
My cat gives me a boner
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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