I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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