I need help removing her.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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