Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
