just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
