Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
