you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
