If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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