I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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