so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
