I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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