come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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