She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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