i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
