what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
