i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am one with the molecules
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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