Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
