My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
