im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
