I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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