I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So vagazzling was a success
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
