I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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