And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
