He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
