But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
