I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
