True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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