How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
