Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
