So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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