we have officially lost it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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