what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
