so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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