are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
