she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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