My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
