The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
