$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
