Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
