Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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