We named our party play list daddy issues
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
