Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
