Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
