People with herpes should wear stickers.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
