Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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