Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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