I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Green mimosas i think yes
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
