Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
