May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
