oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
