He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I looked at my own cervix.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
