Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
