I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
