Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
