put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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