Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
