I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
