i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize