someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
