Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
