I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
