are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
