HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
