need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
