I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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