A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
