sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
