Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
