So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
