You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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