I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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