All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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