I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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