I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
