You're so nebulous sometimes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
