Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
