Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize