Your tits are I can't wait for
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
