Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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