Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
