My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need water and some morals
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
