You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
