You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
