I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
