he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
