Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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