I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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