one two three fourrrrnication!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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