It's a beautiful day for a hangover
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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