i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
