I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was like eating out sand paper
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Randomize