Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
