Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
