She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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