I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
