he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
