I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
