don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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