Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
