I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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