So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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