I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
